February 8, 2010
February 8, 2010
“Cause I’m leaving on a Jet Plane, Don’t know when I’ll be back again” – John Denver
Barely a week until I embark on my great New Zealand adventure of growth and self discovery. This blog would serve as a chronicle of insightful and poignant aphorisms but my brother Chris bluntly pointed out no one cares about that crap. As he put it, stories of self discovery always sound trite. Damn. There go my aspirations for a book deal with movie options. Instead of getting rich quick (read: easily), I will keep a log of where I am, what’s going on and a few observations. At the least this will keep me from having to repeat myself in 40 emails and keep your inboxes from being flooded with lengthy one-sided conversations.
So what’s the plan? The plan is not to have a plan. It is my nature to plant roots, to be deliberate, careful and calculated. I am fighting this nature. I have no job lined up, no place to stay, and no destination in mind. What I do have lined up is a February 14th flight into Auckland. I have a 12 month visa, some clothes, a laptop and a camera. I “know” a handful of people and by that I mean that I have exchanged an email or two with a handful of friends of friends. So far, they seem nice. Hopefully they will have a couch I can sleep on for a few nights.
Why would I let go of a good job, a cushy life on the beach and some great friends? Wanderlust has clouded the rational thought part of my brain. Up to this point my life has been a well defined path with measured steps and predictable obstacles. Robert Frost may have taken the road less traveled but I took the road with the best map. That’s not to say I don’t like where my life has gone—because I am very proud of who I am and what I have accomplished—but that I see where my life is going and it is not enough. I can’t explain why but I feel it. For the past 10 years I have been slowly acquiring things and symbols of my progress in life. In less than 10 days almost all of it will be gone. There is some Buddhist tenant hiding in the expulsion of my possessions and worldly means but I’m not a spiritual man. What I want is to see what I have not yet seen, to experience what I have not yet experienced. Damn, Chris was right—that does sound trite.
But how will I manage to leave the comforts of California? How will I survive without perpetual gridlock, crumbling infrastructure and an ineffectual government crippled with debt? Maybe it makes me a martyr but somehow, someway, by the strength of Zeus and the wisdom of Athena I will do my best to flourish in the rugged isolation of a first world country with top notch socialized healthcare, undeniable and pristine natural beauty, unquenchable thirst for physical outdoor activities and relatively short flights to tropical locales like Fiji and Tahiti. Shed no tears for my noble, noble sacrifice.
Quite relevant to this vision quest are my fears. I don’t really fear going broke since I’m not exactly going in with a fortune at my disposal and going broke seems inevitable. I don’t fear hating New Zealand since I can always move on to somewhere else or move back to San Diego. I don’t fear not finding an engineering job because I am damn genius. I don’t fear failure because it’s a nebulous concept and I can always reframe my time to sound like everything was in the plan. What I do fear is being lonely. In leaving I am giving up daily contact with wonderful friends and family. It puts a lump in my throat to even think about not seeing them regularly. Thankfully, technology gives us numerous ways to keep in touch. I welcome comments posted on this blog or my Facebook page or emails or skype calls. And I will be back. I don’t know with what regularity or for how long or when, but you will all see me again. Please do me a favor and group all weddings, birthdays, births, deaths, fantasy football drafts and sweet parties into a 2 week window so I can fully justify the 13 hour plane flight. Or, we can meet in Fiji if it’s convenient for you. I’m pretty sure it’s convenient for me.
Mom, this last statement is for you. From the inception of my plan you have been very supportive. That said, I know you will worry. You’re a mom. I have never known you not to worry. I can’t alleviate your concerns but I am giving you some very easy homework. The following is a list of books/movies that I am asking you not to read/watch:
2) Taken
3) Hostel
4) Touristas
5) The Beach
6) Cast Away
I love you, mom. This is for your own good.
Bye for now but not forever,
Matt
